Seeta's story

Seeta, 33, and her husband Tahir, 40, had been trying for a baby for a year without success. Initial tests suggested PCOS, which later proved not to be the case. After treatment  the couple, who live in Kilbarchan, Scotland, had their daughter, Hema. Seeta tells their story:

Treatment time

'I was initially diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and then with unexplained infertility. We tried Clomid, which didn't work, and then were referred for IUI. After three failed cycles on the NHS, I conceived our daughter, Hema. The nurses were really good, friendly and kind and responsive to our needs. But there were a lot of frustrating silly little things which would wind me up, such as long waiting times at the clinic, meaning I got back to work late.'

Feelings

'We felt out of control because we were being told what to do and had no say in what we were offered. At first I thought  that the drugs would work and then I hoped that IUI would work first time.

When it didn't I got upset and found it difficult. Even though I had a fantastic pregnancy and sailed through it and the birth, I never let myself think any further ahead than I was at the time. As a result when Hema was born at 37 weeks we had bought very few clothes and equipment.'  'Coming from an Asian background, infertility is something that is not discussed openly although we ourselves didn't feel that there was a stigma. We told a few people outside our immediate family and friends and I distanced myself from some people who I felt were not supportive for a while.' 'We felt it was quite personal and didn't want everyone knowing. We didn't want to keep telling everyone if cycles failed at a time when we were still trying to get our own heads around it.'

'People think that because they got pregnant easily it's easy for everyone and they can come out with hurtful comments. Although unintentional, you are very vulnerable when you are going through treatment.'

Our relationship

'It was hard at times because both of us were in different places at different times. Talking through things brought us  together and I would say it has made us stronger as a couple.'

Our tips

• Remember you are not alone. Once you tell people they often say, "I know someone who has been through that".
• Learn what you can about treatment. We knew very little when we first embarked upon it but as time went on we learnt a lot more. There's plenty of information about the technicalities, but nothing about how you are going to feel during or after treatment, or about complementary  treatments. After the third attempt at IUI, I went to see a Chinese medical practitioner and had acupuncture and Chinese herbs. I also did yoga and we joined the west of Scotland support group, Cradle. This gave me some control back, which was great.