Ruth's story
Ruth was 39 when her sister challenged her to make her dream of motherhood a reality. Aware that her fertility was declining, but without a partner, Ruth remembered a friend's suggestion that they should have a baby together.
Treatment time
"After my sister asked me what I was going to do about having children, I felt I should make an informed choice about whether I could have a baby. Given my age and medical history (I had had treatment for endometriosis), my clinic said that IVF using donated sperm would give me the best chance of success.
"I decided to have treatment with a 'known donor', my friend Nico, not least because I was concerned about my child not knowing its father (this was before the lifting of donor anonymity). This meant a frustrating six month wait before treatment could begin, while Nico's sperm was screened.
"When my eggs were collected, there were only two, but they were the best quality and, unbelievably, both fertilised and were put back in. Sadly, this cycle was unsuccessful. Nico and I decided we would have three attempts before giving up. The second time my embryos were replaced just before my 40th birthday party - I knew what to wish for when I blew out the candles on my cake!
"A week later, I bought a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was stunned. The scans went well and I went on to have a completely healthy pregnancy with my son, Luca."
Feelings
"I was lucky that friends and family responded really positively when I told them about my plans. None of them thought it was as crazy an idea as I did at first! Not everyone is as fortunate, but I don’t think this should put others off the idea - family and friends may well come round to the idea when they realise just how important it is to you and see your own commitment."
Relationships
"Using a 'known donor' is not for everyone. Nico and I know each other pretty well and as he lives abroad, we always knew he'd be a parent from a distance. We also talked about what would happen if I were to find a partner. No man will take his place as Luca's birth father and if I do meet someone, we will do all in our power to reinforce Nico's role in Luca's life. We plan to be honest with Luca about our own personal lives and he will know that his mama and papa were friends who wanted him very much."
My tips
- "Women should be more actively interested in our gynaecological health and wellbeing. Some common conditions can potentially compromise our future aspirations to motherhood. Don't ignore them!"
- "It's a lonely and scary process sometimes. There's no shame in asking for support - get a friend to come with you for important procedures such as egg collection."
Page last updated: 28 August 2009
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In vitro fertilisation (IVF) literally means ‘fertilisation in glass’ giving us the familiar term ‘test tube baby’.